Track 5- "Just Like Heaven" The Cure

Insert "Just Like Heaven" now, please. It was not long before I was wearing black eye liner, red lipstick and using egg whites to make the sides of my hair stand up in my best Siouxsie Sioux impression. I was so friggin' cool. However, my year pass really only got about 1/4 use, since I was always on restriction for one thing or another. Things like looking at my mother wrong or not having dinner made on time. Anything you could think of kept me in the house, and once there being able to extend the restriction for the slightest infraction. Oh fun to be young. Before you call the wahbulance, I will move on. The gang at Cloud 9 understood my frustrations, as most of them were from similar households. That year I transformed completley as I tried to figure out the twisted, hypocritical world in which I lived. One thing I didn't understand was why everyone wanted to be my friend. By this time, the silver mine in my mouth had been removed and I thought I was a prettty hot commodity in my death white makeup *sarcasm*. But alas, I was a retard in the love department. I was not girly ever in my young life, and I did not play the usual girly games. Because of this, I tended to have a lot of guy friends. Friends. Only friends. "I do like you, but as a friend" friends. I couldn't understand it, but I didn't let it get me down. When I was out of jail I just wanted to have fun before the paddy wagon came for me. I figured it was a big hassle anyway, with having to know what to do with your tongue and all. I just dreamed about musicians and I had a thing for bass players. I LOVED Simon Gallup from The Cure. I had every picture of him I could find. I wrote "I Love Simon" on the inside of my O-ring belt. Stupid shit like that which girls with no boyfriends do. One Saturday night, I was hanging with Eva when "Just Like Heaven" came on. "I love this song!" we cried in unison. I was quick to the draw- "Jinx. You can't talk until I say you can." I always got her. I usually made her follow me around like my little bitch until I lifted the jinx and set her free. I know right now you are thinking that no one is that stupid, but yes I was and I am not afraid to admit it. So, tonight she disobeyed me because she stopped and said "No, HE is just like heaven!" And there he was, coming through the door. It was Simon Gallup. Ok, it wasn't but the peppermint schnapps we snuck in sure did make him look like him. He walked up to us. He gave Spade a hug. Spade was called Spade because he wore his hair in a mohawk and left a patch of hair on one side in the shape of a spade. Oh, and he was a squatter so that made him uber cool. He lived behind the Orange Mall in an abandoned house with some other people. Now back to our story. Simon smiled at me and then walked away. "Who was that?" we said at the same time, but this was no time for Jinxes. "That's Matt. He hasn't been around for a while." He said a little too carelessly.
"WELL????????????????????????????????????????"
"Well what?"
"Does he have a girlfriend? What's his deal? Is he straight? How old is he? Where is he from????"
Can you believe that all he said was, "Ask him yourself, you're giving me a headache" and walked away, his creepers leaving a black skid marks on the white checks. It must have been the old hooch, because I did. I walked up to him and took off my belt. I turned it over and slurred something along the lines of "See, I love you. I wrote your name on the inside of my belt and here you are and here I am so is this fate or do you have a girlfriend?" I am quite sure it was not that eloquent. After it came out I couldn't believe I said it, but I kid you not he showed me his arm where he had written Siouxie on it. Just two dorks finding love in a sea of mallrats. After the name exchange and other formalities we went to the graveyard...I have never been so excited and scared in all my life. I could swear that he could tell I was a nothing with no experience (one kiss, which is a whole other story for later!), but he leaned in anyway. I leaned in as well, but right into his lap as I threw up a half pint of peppermint schnapps onto his black bondage pants. And here you thought I was going to describe this sentimental memory of our first kiss. Not gonna happen, you are talking to me after all. Nothing in my life can go that smooth, or I would have nothing to say. It was green in color and I couldn't stop staring at it and saying "I am soo sorry". I just wanted the world to stop spinning long enough for me to get off. This was not the ride I bought a ticket for. He kept saying it was alright, but I was off like a prom dress. I can't say that I have never been so embarrased in my life, but it does sit somwhere in the top 3. Eva found me in the bathroom, my favorite place to hide. I only thought she was telling me he was outside waiting for me so everyone could laugh at me, since I figured everyone had to know by now. She finally got me out by swearing on her record collection and there he was. He gave me a hug, his number and a tic-tac. You gotta give it up for his sense of humor, which failed miserably with me at that point but is really funny in hind sight. Needless to say, he became my first boyfriend. He live in Westminster, so we only saw each other at Knott's. All good things come to an end though, dear readers. One night we were running around the park, up to no good, mad because the local skinhead gang F-Troop had shown up. Near the old graveyard there was a fake carriage that is supposed to look like it is being pulled by invisible horses. Gay. Matt and I were sitting in the front and we all thought it would be funny to take it for a ride. We jumped off when it started to roll. Security did not think it was funny and we were asked to leave, never to return. It was ok, it was fun while it lasted. Matt and I lasted about 2 seconds after that since I wouldn't let him get to 2nd ;). Other songs that remind me of that time; "In the Flat Field" Bauhaus, "This Corrosion" Sisters of Mercy, "Wasteland" The Mission UK, "Cities In Dust" Siouxsie and the Banshees, "Night Like This" The Cure.

Track 3- "When I Hear Music"- Debbie Deb

So, I am big enough to admit that I was a mallrat. Everyone starts out as one and I am no different. If you say you weren't you are lying because no one was that cool at that age, except if you were, like, Shawn Cassidy or something. Anyway, it's the beginning of 8th grade and I meet up with Eva and Tammy. They were goth and I thought they were so cool. On the weekends they hung out at Cloud 9 at Knott's Berry Farm. It was one of 2 dance clubs they had there. They had year passes, which was such a big deal. So, the other club was named Studio K and was for gang bangers and cholo chicks, or anyone else who liked to move to mindless dance music. Tonight was my first night going to Cloud 9. I had my black and white stripped tights on underneath my black lace skirt, black tank top and Eva's patent leather jacket. Mind you, I was all look and no substance at this point, no killer all filler. to prove this point, when I left my house I was wearing my blue denim knickers, white sweater and my Kangaroos so my mom would let me out of the house. Up until this point I had been a slave to whatever my sister was into at any given time. This would include the likes of Madonna and then New Ro, followed by a bout of metal. Oh, I was such a wannabe! These girls were going to show me the way, though. We listened to Sisters of Mercy as we got ready, Eva doing my hair up like Siouxie. I was scared to death that everyone there would see right through me. After about 3 cans of Aquanet, we left and Eva's mom dropped us off at the corner and we walked to the park. I had to wait in line to buy a ticket, as Eva and Tammy flashed thier badge of honor and moved on. We stopped by the restroom to do a last minute check of the hair. they were going to show me the ropes tonight. Our first stop was Studio K. I didn't understand why we needed to go there of all places. "When I Hear Music" was playing at full vloume, so feel free to insert your tape into your ghetto blaster now and kick it old skool. I followed Tiffany and Eva around and it wasn't long before I got the picture- then I wanted to get the hell out! the walls were lined with mirrors so people could watch themselves do pathetic dance moves and watch the pathetic lazers through the pathetic fog machines. Tiffany and Eva thought it was funny to get in front of the vatos and mirrors , making fun of them and their dance moves. This amused them to no end, but to me it seemed like a ticket to fight. Call me paranoid, it's okay. I was a lover, not a fighter- or a chicken depending on how you look at it. However, no trouble occured and we left in one piece. We made our way over to Cloud 9. You had to wait until 9 o'clock for all the tourists to leave, then the locals took over. We were too cool to go on any rides, apparently, because everytime i wanted to go on one they gave a secret society type laugh. Oh, how I wanted to belong to their club, so I followed along and took mental notes:
1- The log ride was acceptable, but only to scam with someone. Check.
2- the coolest people made out in the fake graveyard, though. Check.
3- There was a grave that pulsated like the tell tale heart and if you hooked up on that
one you were REALLY cool. One couple per night. Check.
4- Wacky Soapbox Racers were okay to go on, but only in groups as to intimidate
the tourists. Check.
5- Get to know the pimply faced guy who works at the snack stand next to Cloud 9
not only to get free sodas, but so that he wouldn't call security on you when you
loiter outside and smoke cloves. Check.
6- Don't get too friendly with said pimply faced guy, because no one wants him
hanging around when his shift is over. Check.
The night is just starting, and already I am tired from trying to keep all the rules straight in my head. As we wait in line to get in, I avoid all eye contact because I know some chick will know I am a big fat faker and want to kick my ass. However, when Eva and Tiffany introduce me, everyone is way cool. It's like they had all been through it once and I was like the Gidget of the group. Poser the Mascot. When we walked in we headed to towards the back corner. There, the walls were lined with mirrors and black lights and the floor was covered in black and white checkers. All the colored lights glowed, while the faces remained in the shadows. They played The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Bauhaus, The Smiths and all sorts of other bands that I would come to love. It was my musical awakening and my love for music was born there on the floor in the corner of Cloud 9, surrounded by the most freakish of freaks, and I loved it. That night I was initiated by the gang, because on the way out I stopped and had my picture taken for own annual pass that everyone chipped in to buy for me. A pass that I still have today. To this day, "When I Hear Music" reminds me of that night. The first time I felt like I fit in. It wold come to pass that the Studio K drop in sessions would become a ritual for those months, so old skool jams remind me of that time. Other Studio K faves- Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam, Grandmaster Flash, Expose, and whoever sings that fucking Double Dutch Bus song.......

Track 3- Rock N Roll High School- The Ramones

Okay, so this is way out of order, this is actually the 6th or 7th story in the series, but since Hilly Kristal just passed (RIP) then i figured i would post my Ramones story, as they changed my life!!! No Hilly =No Ramones, so I will always be thankful to you Hilly, you were one cool cat! So here it is....

Okay, so a year has passed and high school has started. I pretty much am over the goth scene and on the prowl for something different. I still loved the music, but the scene was not for me. I was aboout to be yanked out of my musical coma with a swift kick in the ass though. I pretty much loved my mom's old records and treated them like gold: The Who, The Beatles, The Kinks, The Byrds and othe early 60's stuff. That was the sound I tended to like, but was at a loss for finding anything new that I had a real passion for and that I could relate to. I knew a lot of punks, but I guess I was kind of put off by it and assumed it was crazy and too aggressive. This all changed one day at the Yorba Linda Library. My friend Patty and I were looking through their old records, when we saw this crazy punk guy checking us out. I was mildly curious, but Patty was downright scared. She was just getting into this music thing and was still a 'good girl' who wore matchy outfits and took and hour to get ready. Besides, she thought he was a pervert because he was so old. He had to be at least 20 (ha ha). Anyway, she wanted to go outside and wait for her mom because he was creeping her out. Of course, he followed us out and approached us, with a knife by the look on Pattys face. "Hi! I'm Casey" he said. It turned out he was the lead singer for a Fullerton based band called D.I. I had seen their stickers around. He noticed the records that I had checked out from the library and we began to talk about music. It was hard to focus since I thought he was so cute, but that is such a girl thing so I will move on...It turned out that he was heavily influenced by the same early 60's music and California surf music like Dick Dale and the Ventures. He gave me a copy of Ancient Artifacts that he had in his beat up car and told me to check out his show that weekend. I never made it to the show, but I wore a hole through that record and made it my mission to collect all the punk records I could find. I was still a baby though, and I really didn't know what to look for. That is when I met Jenny at school. She was so cool because she had platinum hair and had spikes on her leather jacket. We met in history class and formed an immediate bond. I went to her house after school and watched "Rock N Roll Highschool" with the Ramones. Please insert your Ramones tape now..She made me a bunch of mixed tapes that I have to this day that filled my head with the sounds of the Dead Kennedys, Circle Jerks, Black Flag, Agent Orange, Fear and Bad Religion. It wasn't long before I was running around Costa Mesa, hanging by the bowling alley around the corner from where Mike Ness lived, hoping to run into him in a psycho stalker kind of way :) I loved Social Distortion! I had yet to go to a real punk show though, and I imagined it would be like Riff Randall and her friends in "Rock N Roll High School". Yeah, right! We went to see DRI of all bands. They were a little too hard for me, but I decided to sneak out and go see them anyway. Punk rock turned me into such a delinquent ;) So, I wore Jenny's DRI shirt with a flannel and black jeans. Yes, I was that dork that wore the shirt of the band they went to see..so what. I didn't know better since this was my first time and all. And no adult to speak of to watch me. I guess that is the reason the night turned out like it did. Halfway there I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach and I tried to make excuses to cop out and go home. The carload of punks did not seem to want to stop and enjoy a nice cup of tea, nor did they want to catch a movie, or go home and have a slumber party. They didn't want to do anything I wanted to do- they wanted to go to the show. Punks can be so non- Democratic like that. I probably bugged the fuck out of them and they probably wondered why Jenny had even brought me along. Anyway, we parked and as we walked to the door I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I was not in Kansas anymore, Toto. All of these people looked so knarly and I looked like what I was, a punk show virgin. In front of us were some skin head girls, their fringe bangs dyed blood red. I told myself to calm down, don't be scared, be Riff Randall. After all, I had been through this similar situation when I first went to Cloud 9 and that had turned out good. So, I started to bounce around like Riff would do "C'mon everybody" hee hee. I learned quickly the difference between goths and punks as I stumbled into one of the skin head girls and gave old fringy a flat tire. I said I was sorry. Now a goth would be so wussy they would apologize back even though they didn't do anything. They are very passive aggressive that way. Apparently a skin head just starts to fuck with you and mark you as their target all night. First it was the old trial by test, like asking me what my favorite DRI song was when they know damn well I couldn't name one. So, I tried to distract her by pointing out the line was moving. I thought I was safe, seeing as how we lost her when we got inside. Not so easy, my trial by ordeal was about to start. When the lights went down and the music started, so did the pit. I tried to stay back, but people try to drag you in. Well, red bangs not only tried to pull me in, but proceeded to keep pushing me down and each time she circled she got more and more pushy. I really wanted to keep my cool. No, what I really wanted to do was run to the old trusty bathroom, cry and hide out until the show was over, but I had matured and I was willing to tough it out. By tough it out I mean try and move to the back of the room, but at this point it was impossible. Let me tell you that I have never been so scared in my life. Not only did I have Attila after me and lost my friends, but I looked around and noticed everyone had a problem with everybody. People would just look at each other and start to throw punches, or so it seemed. Just then the show was broken up and I thought that was just swell, being that I was about to start crying like a little bitch at this point. Fear gave way to elation as I realized that we could go home now and everything was going to be all right. I had made it. I know you don't believe that or why would I even bother with this story, right? As I found Jenny and started to walk out with her I was pushed from behind. I thought it was just the crowd, when I was pushed again even harder. I must have been releasing some kid of pheromone, because this girl could sniff me out of a goddamn vat of fish guts. What did I do to deserve this?? No time for questions because the next thing I knewI was on the ground. I had never been in a fight before in my life, except rough housing with my sister. However, I must have had enough pent up rage from my shitty home life that I gathered up the courage to try and fight back. I use the word try quite literally, because she was twice my size and I could not wrestle her off of me. I could really make myself look like a hero, since you weren't there to know the difference, but I know you wouldn't believe it for a second if you have been faithfully reading these tales of woe of mine. The truth is security pulled her off of me. I didn't even get one punch in, but she really didn't either, and so I was at least a little cool by sticking it out and not running. So what did we learn today kiddies?
A. Trust your instinct.
B. Turn the other cheek.
C. Things aren't always what they seem.
If you chose A, than you are wise. If you chose B, then you are a chicken shit. If you chose C you are the lucky winner. "Rock n Roll Highshcool" represents to me the difference between reality and fiction. It is funny how you think things will be one way, but in reality they are totally different. I thought punk was going to be all noise and full of hate, but when I gave it a chance it became my favortite type of music, and the only type I can relate to. I thought shows were going to be all po-going and fun, like Riff Randall and her possee, and I got my ass kicked. That movie lied. All jokes aside, that was the only show that I have ever been to that was like that, they are usually fun with the occasional bad seeds. But the pit will always be the best place to let out all your aggressions!

Track 2- King of Pain

Speaking of unrequited love, skip to track 2, "King of Pain" now. One of the favorite events during the school year was the annual 'skate night' at Skateway. Sure, it was fun if you were popular and had a reason to go, but my best friend Jenny and I would go anyway. It was kind of like trying to be cool by association. We could out-skate anyone on our street, since we were the biggest tom boys. I wanted to go mostly because I knew Adam would be there. He was the most popular boy in school and his twin sister was the most popular girl. She did commercials so they got to hang out at the Soda Factory in L.A. with Ricky Schroeder and Kids Incorporated. It was totally cool that they would make apperances at our 'local' events. Totally. So anyway, at the end of the night they would always close with a slow skate and the girls had to ask the boys. This particular night I was all gussied up in the outfit I bought just for him with all of my Christmas money. It was a neon pink button up shirt with rolled cuffs, and white suspender pants with lovely neon pink and black stripes. Of course, I had the layered socks, neon pink and black. And I had the obligitory neon pink scrunchy in my ponytail....The finishing touch was my Neferttiti Swatch watch, complete with intertwined black and pink rubber Swatch guards. Yeah, I rocked the Swatch watch, and I thought I was so fucking cool. By this time, I had gotten braces and a retainer that I had to bite down on to fix my overbite :) Tonight I was going to ask Adam to skate with me because I was sure that he wanted a piece of this prime real estate before the metal came off and I had to beat the foxes away with a stick. After doing the "Bird" and the "YMCA", the lights came down, and so did the disco ball. Ahhh yeah baby. "King of Pain" came on the sound system. My hands were sweating as I rolled towards Adam, who seemed 10 miles away. I was trying to act all nonchalant as I rolled along, running my fingers along the red carpeted walls, trying to hold a conversation with Jenny. However, all I could hear was the pounding in my head. There he was, leaning against the wall with his friends, his Le Tigre collar standing proud and his jeans all perfectly pegged. The last thing I remember was Jenny rolling off, wishing me good luck as the swirling lights that circled the rink in a rainbow of colors swallowed her up and she was gone . All of the sudden it was just Adam and me. Me and Adam, like it was always meant to be. The time was now. "Hi Candy", he said with a smile so innocent I was convinced that he liked me as much as I was elated to hear him speak my name. "Hey" I said with an akward smile and gave a half wave with the hand that seconds later would be grabbing the wall to hold me up as I slipped in my skates from the sheer pressure of the moment. I quickly recovered with the grace of an elephant and moved in for the kill. I tried to give him my bedroom eyes, which at that age I had no idea what the hell that meant, and asked.."Do you want to skate?" I thought I was so slick. Then an explosion. Fireworks of raw attraction, you say? Nay. There was no love realized here, just leftovers from the snack bar nachos and Jolt cola making a glorious arc in the space between us. "Totally gross!! Say it don't spray it!"he said, over the uproarious laughter that had erupted from his possee. All I heard was Jennys advice that I had ignored a half hour earlier..."Don't use any s words if you can avoid it. I had braces for 2 years so I know!" she had warned me. How could I have been so dumb! But how could I have asked him to skate without using an s word?? Those damn s words and now I was nothing more than a piece of processed cheese in his perfectly coiffed hair. The view from the restroom was lovely, and I thoroughly enjoyed it until the time when Jenny's mom arrived to pick us up. Since the news had spread as fast as a case of chlamydia in a whorehouse, I was forced to have Jenny bring me my shoes and then feign sickness for a week to stay out of school. To this day I hate "King of Pain" but have learned to love nachos again. Other songs that remind me of Skateway: "Don't Stop the Rock" Freestyle, "Let's go Crazy" Prince, "My House" Mary Jane Girls, and "More Bounce to the Ounce" Zapp and Roger.

Track 1- I Want Candy- Bow Wow Wow

Hmm..'I Want Candy'..oh, how I hate this song. Not only is it one of those annoying songs you can't get out of your head, but when your name is Candy it is absolutley the work of the Devil. Especially if you were in grade school when it came out and you were me. I had long, tangled hippie hair that my mom would never let me cut. She insisted that boys like long hair. Maybe she was trying to give me a leg up since they do not find Bugs Bunny teeth with a front gap you can drive a Big Wheel through very hot. Needless to say, I was not the coolest cat on the block, more like a tom cat. So, this song comes out and everyone starts singing it to me since my name is Candy, ha ha ha. Did this mean that Adam, who was the spitting image of Leif Garrett, really liked me?? No. More like far from it and he loved to rub it in that he didn't and that nobody else did. That was the tone in which most boys threw the song at me. I would retaliate like any well bred lady would. I would hit them in the face with the tether ball. Or the 4-square ball. Or the dodge ball. Whatever was handy, really. I was not opposed to violence as a means to an end. it wasn't long before I was not allowed to play in their reindeer games. Forever marked as 'Does Not Play Well With Others.' Up until high school I would be tormented with this song, day in and day out. It was in 9th grade that Iggy Pop came out with 'Candy'. Oh happy day. No one could seem to let me go..At least it was by someone cool, so it wasn't quite so bad. Other songs of unrequited love written to Candy: "So Like Candy" Elvis Costello, "Candy Girl" New Edition, "Candy" Cameo, "Oh Candy" Cheap Trick, and "Candy O" The Cars. There is nothing more ironic and depressing than being surrounded by love songs to your name, but none to you...

I don't listen well...

I don't even know why I included Pink Floyd in my poll, as that is probably one of the most personal stories I have. I don't want to start this thing off on that note, so I am going to start with some more lighthearted ones.....I will start them on Monday

What this is all about

I have been writing a series of articles for years called Tales of a Teenage Nothing a.k.a Mixed Tape since my life has always revolved around music. Every memory I have is tied to a song it seems. I decided that as a song came on and the memories flooded in I would document them. Originally, Fredflare was going to publish them on their website and people were going to be able to submit songs from the 80's and I would write about them if they triggered anything, but that fell through. So....now that there are these fancy little blogs I figure I can publish them on here for my own entertainment...